Image via Wikipedia
I have been asked a few times during the last few weeks what’s going on with the move that I had mentioned awhile back.
The reason why I have been silent on the subject was for a few reasons. The first reason is that there really hasn’t been a lot to say on the subject. While my friend and I have been discussing the subject at length and throwing ideas around there’s not a whole lot that can be done until I get up to NY with her. Her parents kindly invited me to live with them initially while first looking for employment and once that’s in place, an apartment for the two of us. While I hate imposing on people, it does seem to be the most logical thing to do and will give me an opportunity to settle into my new surroundings in a more relaxed state. It’ll be a better transition I think.
However, my parents think that I should have a job secured before moving up there. Neither of them have ever lived anywhere but locally for the most part, and so neither of them had to deal with the logistics of finding employment while living a few hundred miles away from the area in which they are looking for employment. It’s not going to be easy to get people to look at applications and resumes from another state, and when it comes to job interviews…well, it’ll be a tad hard to just teleport myself to wherever the interview site is. No, I will have to transport myself…by car or train there and after the interview, transport myself back down to South Jersey. They think it would be foolish to quit my current job…understandable, but I got to leave this job one way or another and I’m not going to be able to do anything if I’m tied down to this job. I only have so much time off…and when that runs out, does that mean I have to run back home to Mommy and Daddy and the prison that this area feels like?
Needless to say, this debate has been seriously driving me up the wall. Instead of being excited about moving…it’s just becoming one of those subjects I don’t even want to touch. My parents must feel the same way as it’s rare they bring up the subject themselves, and when it does come up-it’s usually pretty negative.
Another reason why I haven’t said anything about the move was because I really didn’t want to write about continuously. To have my mind on it constantly. To have my heart set. Because with many many past experiences I have gotten myself worked up and excited about something and then when things just didn’t pan out and whatever I had my heart set on was ruined, it seriously hurt me and took me a long time to recover. That’s just how I am. I disappoint easy, and when disappointed it deeply hurts me and I never really fully get over it. So, because of this I have wanted to keep pretty quiet about things until they were more definite.
I would really appreciate any advice if anyone has some for me.
11 Comments
April 19, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Wishing you the best on what every your choice may be.
April 19, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I echo peppylady. Still, I’d like to add some advice. No matter how old you get, you will never be a grown up while living in your parent’s home. Not to you and not to them. (There are many pluses there, but the biggest draw back is that you may never learn who you can be and what your potential is.)
Your parents love you. They want to protect you and keep you safe. Any move that takes you out of their immediate vicinity is going to be met with negativity. How can they monitor you if you are so far away?
Third — don’t waste any more of your vacation time goofing off. You are going to need it to move. Do NOT quit your job. Apply for more time off. Ask your friend’s parents if you can visit for X number of days. Arrive armed with resumes, references and a job finding plan. Better yet, arrive with interviews already lined up. Try Craigslist.com for jobs.
When you interview, make it clear that you have an ethical obligation to where you work now to give appropriate notice. Most employers understand and appreciate the professionalism of such. Make it clear that you already have a local address (your friend’s parent’s address).
You are a level-headed person with good decision making skills. Use them. You’ll be fine. And remember, you are already bored and restless where you are. It is time for change before depression grabs you forever.
April 19, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Although I’ve moved around quite a bit in my life, I find that moving is seldom easy. Anything that you can do to lessen the stress would be most beneficial. As for a job, I believe that you have universally needed skills and finding one may be faster and easier than you—or your parents—may believe.
Blessings, no matter what you decide to do!
April 19, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I’ve only really moved once in my life and it wasn’t quite far so I don’t really know what I’m talking about but my only tip is to know what you really want and feel sure in your decision before saying yes to anything because once you do move it’ll be hard to go back and make changes if it isn’t working out.
April 20, 2008 at 3:15 am
I have to say I agree with Quilldancer. I’m actually going to be in the same boat as you soon. I’m dreading it, and I like you am afraid of getting my hopes up only for it to be dashed. But at the end of the day, it’s a risk. It could be the best thing to ever happen for you. I would hate for in years to come you to look back and regret not taking the chance. I know you will get through this. Good luck
April 20, 2008 at 8:42 am
you know me.. I’d go for it.
April 20, 2008 at 10:47 am
I have no real advice for you except that it’s your decision on how to make the move. I understand it’s difficult to job interviews in another state, especially if you have limited time off work. But if it’s what you want, why not go for it. It seems you at least have a place to stay to get started. Once there maybe things will go smoother than you think. Best of luck with it
April 20, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I think you should take a chance and enjoy your youth while you are still young. If it doesn’t work out you are never too old to go home. That’s what parents are for, to always be there for you. Good luck!
April 21, 2008 at 6:38 am
i think you’re very lucky to have been offered such an amazing chance by your friend’s parents. i think if you really want to do it you have to do it quick, waiting around and thinking just makes it harder to do (which i think is what every person who commented before me said ;D). It’s going to be difficult and scary but if you have the opportunity to go there and do it and you really want to then i say go for it. your parents love you, and if things don’t work out surely they’d be happy to have you back or to help you out in any way they could.
it sounds to me like you have the one thing you really need during move time: support from lots of family and friends. it’ll make all the difference – trust me.
good luck!
April 21, 2008 at 6:39 am
it’s understandable to feel the way you do, but if you are feeling this way now then it is time for a change of scenery.. if you are prepared to look for new employment in a new city, take the invite of your friends parents.. do it.. There is no time like the present… Ask for more time off.. you are a level headed person, we all have disappointments in our lives.. try not to dwell on it and look at the positives… I wish you lots of luck in what ever descision you make… Just remember… you come first…
April 21, 2008 at 11:12 am
I can completely understand your being sick of all the back and forth. This is about the time in the program where I’d make a decision — one way or the other — just to end all the conversation!
That said, so much depends on the economy/job/housing market — and that can change from region to region and industry to industry.
I’d research as much as you can upfront so that there are as few surprises as possible and then go for it. But make sure you have a reasonable timeline and enough money before you do, so you can lay it all on the line for your friends’ parents before you take them up on their offer.
If you decide NOT to do it, remember, you’re just deciding NOT to do it NOW. You’re at a good point in your working life, where no decision is irreversible.
Did this help at all?